Some days are rough. Some days I wonder will this really happen? Is our timeline even realistic? I try to do at least one small thing a day to move the adoption process forward. Maybe fill out a form or look up fund raising ideas or plan something. But sometimes all the forms are filled out and there's no planning left to do for a project. Those days are the rough days. I want to feel connected to this child in some way and all I have to do that is through paperwork or internet research. I don't "feel" pregnant everyday, even though I know that I am. Some days I am just unexplainably sad. I want our baby to know I thought about her every single day. That I worked towards it every single day.
When I was pregnant with Abbey, I was very much aware of it because I was constantly hungry which also meant my waistline was expanding (greatly). With Cole, I was aware of it because I spent most the day throwing up. Also, he kicked me every second of the day, even when I was walking. And with A.J., I craved chili cheese dogs which is a craving I have only had pregnant with him.
With this baby, I am not pregnant in my body, but I feel it deep inside. I don't feel her kick me or when she has the hiccups, but I feel the strongest tug on my heart. I don't ever "forget" a baby is coming.
Today I was just having one of those days.
Remembering this verse helps: Isaiah 59:1 Behold his hand is not so short that it cannot save, nor his ear dull that it cannot hear.
