Truth and Dare

My friend posted a beautiful scripture yesterday from Lamentations 3:22-31. 

It prompted me to read the whole chapter, because I enjoy context, and v 19 really hit me.  It said, "The thought of my suffering is bitter is beyond words.  I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve my loss. 

YET I STILL DARE TO HOPE, when I remember this, the unfailing love of the Lord NEVER ENDS."

whoa.

All those times crying in my pillow, in my shower, in my cookie dough are real times. Real suffering that is bitter beyond words, an awful time, as I grieved my loss.  My loss is different from yours, probably, and most definitely different than the author of Lamentations who watched his country and countrymen be destroyed, but nonetheless, it is loss.  

Loss is gripping, and painful, and all encompassing.  It stills you and stunts you.  And if you are not careful, it becomes you.  It has become me.  

Plainly speaking, loss sucks.  There is no beauty in it.  There is nothing lovely in it. It is deep and wide and dark and empty.  

And yet....

And yet I still dare to hope....WHEN I REMEMBER THIS....

The unfailing love of the Lord never ends.  By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.  So if you are looking for the silver lining....this is it.  Your loss is painful, but you are not completely destroyed. You are alive, and standing.  You cannot see beauty in your loss, but can you dare to look beyond your loss? Can you dare to hope? Can you dare to remember Great is his faithfulness, his mercies begin afresh each day, I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance, therefore i will hope in Him!"

And there it is ...this is it...the Lord is my inheritance.  The Lord is beautiful and lovely and deep and wide and full and whole.  Your inheritance is not your loss, it is the Lord and the fullness of His glory, his goodness.  

The Lord is WONDERFULLY GOOD to those who wait for him and seek him.  

So we wait, and we seek.  We seek and we wait.

For when life is heavy and hard to take go off by yourself.  Enter the silence, bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions.  Wait for hope to appear! Don't run from trouble.  Take it full force.  The worst is never the worst.  Why?  Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return.

Do you dare to hope and remember that the unfailing love of the Lord never ends?

***Scriptures in red are from the Message version and the NLT version of Lamentations ch3***

Tick Tock

It has been 377 days since our first homestudy appointment.

The wait has been so long.  Officially we have been waiting for almost a year.  It has now been 3 years since we made the decision to adopt.  The wait has been its own journey.  It began with an anxious and hopeful feeling, to just being anxious, to now it is just painful.

Waiting is hard.  Think of anything you have ever had to wait for in life.  Now times that feeling by floppity bajillion.  That is how hard it is to wait for your baby.

Sometimes, it is heartbreaking.  There is a deep part of me that is missing.  And it is the strangest feeling in the world to know that you have a baby coming but you have no idea if that baby even exists yet.  You love someone you are not even sure has even been conceived yet.  The wait is a heavy feeling.  So much hinges on this baby that may or may not be here yet.  Silly things like moving a bookcase to make more room.  Big things like should we stay in this house.  Every decision that comes along carries this addendum: unless the baby gets here before then. Every decision, big or small. Is that right? I don't know, but its a fact.  How do you make decisions based on the fact that someone is coming, but based on the fact you don't when?

I receive "advice" from time to time, such as, "you can't put your life on hold."  Ok....how do I NOT do that?

Because this particular type of wait is so very different I will try to relate it to you.

You are always at a red light and it never turns green.

It is always the night before your wedding, but never your wedding day.

You are 42 weeks pregnant every single day.

You are never not waiting for the pregnancy test lines to appear.

You get a phone call every day telling you your dream job is narrowed down between you and one other person, and they will let you know soon.  And they call you every day with that same line.

This is the un-ease that a waiting mom experiences.  So yeah...sometimes I'm non committal.  And sometimes I'm not excited about what is coming up.  And sometimes I'm angry because I'm so unsettled.  And sometimes I avoid questions because I don't know the answer.

The unknown is always a scary adventure.  But the unknown about how long the unknown will last...well sometimes that just an unbearable pain.

I wake up every morning thinking today could be the day we get the call.  That is a strange way to live.  And I will be thankful for the day when it is over.

So how long is too long to wait?  How long is too long to feel this pain and to feel like someone is missing?  How long is too long to look at an empty crib and imagine what she will look like?

Here is what I know...377 days is NOT too long. I will not give up hope on what I know to be truth.  We were called TO adoption and we are being sustained THRU adoption, and our prayers will be answered BY adoption.

God's promise is NEVER too long to wait for.  And it will be totally worth it. Every. Single. Time.

My cousin Cassie sent me this verse, and I cling to it every day, and I will on day 378...379...380...and on and on.

Romans 8 (The Message Version)

^22-25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

^26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

What are you waiting for?
If HE said it, HE will do it. Don't quit waiting! 
I'm not!

Both Hands Part 3 Video Recap

Here is our video recap of the project for Mrs. Margarets home.  I cried as I watched it, thinking about all those who came that day to work so hard.  To read more about what all we did that day check this out.

It was a beautiful day filled with love in action.  We pleaded the cause of the widow and you answered the call.  That was one hand of the project.

The other hand is to answer the call to embrace the spirit of adoption.  While we are not all called to adopt a child, we can all play a part.  God's heart is FOR adoption.  He adopted us!
Adoptions are costly and we have worked hard fundraising and saving, and we have raised nearly $12,000 to date.  However, we still have $13,000 to go.   Now we are asking you to share this video.  Post it on your facebook page, your twitter, your blog.  Every little bit helps.

If you were moved at all by what we were able to accomplish for the widow, please consider sending in a donation.  All gifts are tax deductible.  And you can learn more by going to http://bothhandsfoundation.org/aaron-and-jillian-lawson

If you are having trouble viewing the video click here : https://vimeo.com/61797570

A HUGE thank you to Clarke Flippo for being so awesome and putting this video together for us!

Both Hands Project: Part 2 What YOUR hands did

Saturday was a beautiful day and it was long day.  30+ volunteers showed up to serve Mrs. Margaret! We all gathered at 9:00am and started the day with prayer.  It was amazing to look around the circle of men, women, and children who were there all united for one cause...to live out James 1:27.  Maybe half the people there I met for the first time that day! But everyone worked together and served together like they had always known each other.  A smile was on everyone's face!

The team got right to work! We fixed the fence, trimmed trees, did yard work, cleaned up the back garden.  We were pressure washing and weed eating.
We washed windows, stained the ramp, painted doors, finished trim work, changed light fixtures, fixed walls, painted walls, swept floors. The kids washed the car.

It was a big day.  It was a beautiful day.

It was hard work but it was totally worth it!  I don't think there is one person that was there that day that didn't enjoy it.

Mrs. Margaret couldn't believe how much we were able to accomplish!  And the giving isn't over!  On Thursday, her doorway will be cut.  We will also be able to order her top kitchen cabinets this week.

My family would like to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who came out to help!  We would love to hear some of your thoughts about the day.

These volunteers were completely amazing and I feel blessed to know them and have worked alongside them.

Thank you to
Elizabeth Verner
Hanna & Clarke Flippo
David Hincapie
Alberto & Liana Pinero
Melissa Putnam
Kelly, Kiersten, Madison, Luke, & Mark Baumruk
Lief & Julie Johnson
Kim Spigle
Ivette Mendez
Daisy Martinez
Sammy Martinez
Lissette & Johnny Ortiz
Jarrod & Josh Sanders
Ryan, Tonya, Hunter & Anna Hall
Jane & Forrest Reece
Marti, Heather & Kara Lange
Steve, Heidi, Bobby & Margaret Edwards
Ron & Matthew Kraus
Angel Andrews  
Kevin Knox

We pray that you will be truly blessed for your efforts in extending your hands to help the widow AND the orphan.  When we look at our baby, we will see all of your faces and remember your kindness!

We hope to post a recap video of this project in the coming week!

You can donate to our adoption by sponsoring this great group of workers at our Both Hands page found here : http://bothhandsfoundation.org/aaron-and-jillian-lawson

What I Learned About His Hands During Both Hands: Part 1 Before

I'm sitting in the parking lot of Home depot getting ready to go inside to pick up the last item we need for today's Both Hands project. I cried the whole way here.
I woke up several times last night eager excited and praying for today.
 Not for finances I don't care at this point.
Yes this started as a fund raising movement but somewhere along the way I forgot all about that. I truly just want this day to bless Margaret. Because she deserves it.
 If I take care of what God has put in my hands, I know He will take care of what I have put in His hands. 
His hand is not too short to save us.
His hands hold mercy and grace
His hands create and make and heal and comfort
His hands are capable
His hands are enough.

Part 2 will tell about the day
Part 3 will be our video recap

Live it Out

James 1:27 says this "Religion that God our Father accepts as PURE and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress."

On February 23 we have the opportunity to live out this scripture.  We have the opportunity to serve a woman, who loves the Lord, and served others for so many years.

Here is a list of some things we hope to accomplish that day:

What we can definitely do:
Move furniture to exchange the bedroom for the office and paint the office
Paint the boys room
weeding in the back yard
washing siding
staining the ramp
Painting/wallpapering the hallway

Painting the doorway
Cleaning
Preparing freezer meals

What we can do with skilled help:
install vinyl flooring in kitchen
install light fixture
cut a door to join her room with the boys room
cutting trees
fixing fence
putting up a climbing wall for the boys near the trees

finishing trim work/staining trim work

What we can do if things are donated:
New white 42in kitchen cabinets for 8x10 kitchen
new french doors
new window

Can YOU take on just one of these projects? Can you give ONE day to help a widow?  Contact me soon to let me know how YOU can live out James 1:27 by serving Mrs. Margaret.

To read more of her story click here

Both Hands Project

I have had the honor and privilege to meet Mrs. Margaret and I was able to spend some time with her and hear her story.  Margaret and her husband Dan, had 2 biological and 8 adoptive children.  They were foster parents to many children over their 43 years of marriage.  They lived most of their years together in Maryland where in addition to caring for their children they restored old homes.  They relocated to Florida in 2010 with 3 children still living at home: Jason (who is quadrapalegic) and Dannon, who are both 12, and Deitrich, 9 years old. Because of a variety of learning struggles, both Dannon and Dietrich are homeschooled by Margaret.

Dan passed away very suddenly in June 2011.  It was just before his birthday, and there were only 26 days from his diagnosis of lung cancer to his passing.  Today, Margaret lives and cares for the 3 boys in the home she and Dan bought with plans to restore.

Our work day is scheduled for Saturday February 23.  We will be there all day and hope to accomplish several things that have been on Margaret's to do list.  Some of these tasks are simple; painting, staining, cleaning siding, weeding, putting together 10 days worth of freezer meals.  Some require more skill such as, finishing the trim work, repairing the fence, laying her kitchen vinyl flooring.  But Margaret has some ideas in her heart that her and Dan were planning on tackling.  Such as new white kitchen cabinets for their 8x10 kitchen, a door way to connect her room to the boys room, and new french doors.

Please consider sponsoring our volunteer team for $10 (or more if you like!)  Just go to this link here to donate. ALL donations are completely tax deductible.  I did receive some news from the grant agency regarding a misunderstanding on how the grant works.  IT IS NOT A MATCHING GRANT.  It is us asking you to consider sponsoring us and our team to work for the day at Mrs. Margaret's home.  To help a widow.  HOWEVER, this grant does give the vehicle for you to give a tax deductible gift, OR, allows businesses to donate materials that we can use for her home.  Such as, kitchen cabinets, the french doors, paint, lumbar to fix the fence, ect.

If you can help in any way, large or small, or have connections to businesses that are willing to donate. Please contact me ASAP.  We are still in need of people to work that day at Mrs. Margaret's home.  Please contact me to find out how you can live out James 1:27.  It will only cost you your time.

from left: Dietrich(9), Margaret, Jason(12), Dannon (12)

Answer to Prayer

I am so very pleased to announce that we have been APPROVED for not one but TWO of the 3 grants we applied for!

The first one is for a grant worth $1000 from CalledtoAdopt.org!  If you are not familiar with this organization, I urge you to visit their site.  A friend of mine I have met in my adoptive mommy circle, didn't just talk about change, but went out and created some. Jeny Pighetti and her husband adopted their beautiful Avery almost 2 years ago.  They worked hard fundraising their entire amount.  When their adoption was finalized they decided to start a non-profit group to give grants to other couples who are pursuing the Call to Adopt.  Her family is passionate about educating others that if you feel you are called to adopt, then finances shouldn't be a factor.  You can donate monthly to them on their site and quarterly they choose families to recieve the grant! And lucky us, we were chosen.  We are so very grateful for this assistance.

So between this grant and monies raised from the Kindle Fire Raffle we will be able to pay in full our next fee that will incur from the agency when we are chosen by a birthmom.  Which we are hoping to be chosen real soon!

The 2nd grant we were approved for is the Life Song Both Hands grant.  This one is particularly exciting because it creates an opportunity to really live out the scripture.  James 1:27 says, "And true religion is this, that we take care of the widow and the orphan."  The premise is this:  We create 2 teams.  A fundraising team and a work day team.  The fundraising team commits to sending out approximately 500 letters requesting donations.  Here's the catch! All tax deductible funds raised through these letters goes to a work day for a WIDOWS HOUSE.  The work day team goes to the widow's house and does a full day of work such as painting, landscaping, de-cluttering, ect.  Then LifeSong Both Hands will match whatever amount we raise for the widow's house, and apply it to our adoption.  ***EDIT***  The fundraising letter will ask people to sponsor our volunteer team to work on the widow's home.  I found out that this is not a matching grant.  We will ask businesses to donate items to complete the work day list.  All sponsorship monies will be applied to our adoption. 
While our adoption will definitely benefit from this, I am very happy to move beyond that and use all this energy to help someone else.  I know I'm sick of my own story! LOL so I welcome the opportunity to help someone else out!

If you are interested in being a part of either the fundraising team, or the work day team, or you know of widow in Osceola or Orange County that could benefit from a work day please contact me ASAP.  

The fundraising team will only need to gather addresses from ANY contacts you have and come to an envelope stuffing party at our home.  If you do not live near us, but would like to be on this team anyways, we will provide you with letters, pictures and stamps to do the mailing from your area.  We are hoping for 6 families to commit to this team.  And remember, yes, you are asking for money, but it's to help out a widow AND our adoption.

The work day team will commit to doing their best to finish the to-do list for the widow's home.  It will be an ALL DAY work day which will take place on a Saturday.  We are hoping to have the work day scheduled for the end of February or the first part of March.  Once we interview and get approval from a widow we will be able to schedule the final date.  We are hoping to have 10-12 workers that day and lunch will be provided.

If you are interested in carrying out James 1:27 in the most practical way ever, please contact me via Facebook, Twitter, or text within the next 7 days so we can finalize our plans and begin to move forward.

Thank you so very much for following our story, and for contributing in all the ways you do!