Thanksgiving just passed and it was a great day full of family, friends, amazing food, and Black Friday shopping! I have so much to be thankful for; my wonderful husband, my beautiful children, my loving family, the very best friends you could ask for, our home, our jobs, our health, and the unending love of a Heavenly Father and his on time provisions! I am also thanful for his gentle course correction.
I spend alot of my silent mental energy thinking about the adoption, the fundraising, how can we save more? I don't deal well with unknowns. I like a plan, a timeline, I like "knowns." But this whole process is teaching me how to live in unknowns and not lose my mind. I don't always win. In fact, I would say I wake up almost every morning and have to relearn the same lesson as the day before. It's funny how I can counsel women about resting and trusting in the timing of the Lord and his faithfulness and yet I struggle daily with this concept.
My pastor says this often, "What you recognize in your life you become thankful for. And what you become thankful for will increase in your life." You will never increase in areas of your life you are not thankful for. Period.
In other news...My 3 kids ages 9,7,6 were all off school the whole week of Thanksgiving. I love having them home really I do, but they are used to 8 hours a day of planned activities. I am not. And they wanted me to put up the Christmas decorations. Which takes me a full week to do when they are AT school. So we had a challenged week to say the least. I got aggravated from the top of the ladder several times during the week and demanded everyone needed some "quiet time in their room." I think I really just wanted someone to send me for some quiet time, though!
As I decorated the top of plant shelves, and milled over golf outing marketing strategies, I felt the Lord speak something to me. He said, "You are spending too much of your time and energy on something you have no control over. I am taking care of it, and you need to take care of your children." Whoa! I felt truly convicted as I realized I am not giving my 3 kids the best of me. I had spent more time aggravated than thankful.
Some of you may be tempted to judge me right now, and that's ok. I am openly confessing I need to do better job balancing my life. But I'm hoping more of you are relating with these feelings in one way or another and feel moved to be more thankful.
I want to work on recognizing the beauty and creativity and energy in my children and being thanful for all those things. If I expect the Lord to provide for this adoption, and I do because He promised it, then I must be thankful for what I have right now. I must be thankful for all the "knowns."
Here are my "knowns"
Abbey's "knowns" She is beautiful with brown eyes and bouncy dark blonde curls. She is endlessly creative and can make a scrap of paper an invention. She is a talented artist and is currently into sketching fashion. She is a great actess and singer. She is affectionate and loving. She is determined. She has a heart for Jesus and loves to help others.
Cole Roberts "knowns" This little boy wakes up every morning and the first words out of his mouth are a sleepy, "I love you, Mommy." He loves to cuddle. He is gentle. He loves Bible trivia. He can win every single wii game. He is smart, like real smart. He has a hilarious sense of humor. He can talk all.day.long.
A.J.'s "knowns" He has a calm about him. He has awesome hair. He builds amazing train tracks. He is good at Go Fish. His dimples will melt you every time. He loves one on one time. He is so funny. He is good at baseball and soccer. He loves to sneak up on the top bunk with his brother.
I am truly thankful for my children. And I want them to have the very best of me. God is taking care of my unknowns, it is my job to take care of the "knowns."
I know at the end of this we will say it wasn't by my might, or by my power, but by his spirit that all of this has happened.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
I Heard the Heartbeat
This weekend we were so blessed to get to attend The Adoptive Parent Weekend Classes. This is a 2 day class to prepare Adoptive Parents for what all aspects of their adoption process could look like. This is step 1 in the process. I tweeted on the way up to the class that I was so excited and felt like I did right before the doctors appointment when I knew I would get to hear the heartbeat when I was pregnant with Abbey.
I had done a ton of research over the last few months, I read blogs almost daily on adoption and real life adoption stories. But nothing could have really prepared me for what I experienced.
After one of our breaks the teacher announced, "And now we will hear from 2 birthmothers that chose to place their children for adoption." I listened as 2 women told a story I knew I would never have the courage to tell if the roles had been reversed. I listened as they shared how they found out they were pregnant, how they came to their decision, how they chose their families.
But when they talked about their hospital stay it was almost more than I could handle. They told how they delivered their child, held her in their arms, cried endlessly, and then how they signed papers and left the hospital alone. Both women cried as they told their stories which were barely 6 months old. They clutched the books containing "their families." They shared how they wanted so much more for their child then they knew they could give them. They wanted their children to grow up in a 2 parent households. It was with the greatest love I have ever had the privilege to be in the midst of that they decided to give their children the greatest gift. Not just life, but a good life.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? That He would come to give us life, abundant life.
In ministry I have told that story 1000 times. Think how much your Heavenly father loves you? That he would give the most precious thing he has, his only Son, so that you could have life and have it to the fullest.
This weekend I saw the love of the Heavenly Father in the most tangible way. I saw someone do the most unselfish thing, the most loving thing they possibly could. I saw someone love like God loves.
I can tell you with all assurety, these are NOT unwanted children. They are not products of selfish mothers that want to just do their own thing. These children are loved with a greater love then most of us can comprehend.
As I sit here and think about a woman that will give us the greatest gift there is I feel an urgency to pray for her. I don't know her and she doesn't know me but one day we will be forever connected by a love that I'm not even sure I fully understand at this point.
But I know this...A birthmothers love for her child looks like God's love for us.
And that is the most beautiful heartbeat I have ever heard.
I had done a ton of research over the last few months, I read blogs almost daily on adoption and real life adoption stories. But nothing could have really prepared me for what I experienced.
After one of our breaks the teacher announced, "And now we will hear from 2 birthmothers that chose to place their children for adoption." I listened as 2 women told a story I knew I would never have the courage to tell if the roles had been reversed. I listened as they shared how they found out they were pregnant, how they came to their decision, how they chose their families.
But when they talked about their hospital stay it was almost more than I could handle. They told how they delivered their child, held her in their arms, cried endlessly, and then how they signed papers and left the hospital alone. Both women cried as they told their stories which were barely 6 months old. They clutched the books containing "their families." They shared how they wanted so much more for their child then they knew they could give them. They wanted their children to grow up in a 2 parent households. It was with the greatest love I have ever had the privilege to be in the midst of that they decided to give their children the greatest gift. Not just life, but a good life.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? That He would come to give us life, abundant life.
In ministry I have told that story 1000 times. Think how much your Heavenly father loves you? That he would give the most precious thing he has, his only Son, so that you could have life and have it to the fullest.
This weekend I saw the love of the Heavenly Father in the most tangible way. I saw someone do the most unselfish thing, the most loving thing they possibly could. I saw someone love like God loves.
I can tell you with all assurety, these are NOT unwanted children. They are not products of selfish mothers that want to just do their own thing. These children are loved with a greater love then most of us can comprehend.
As I sit here and think about a woman that will give us the greatest gift there is I feel an urgency to pray for her. I don't know her and she doesn't know me but one day we will be forever connected by a love that I'm not even sure I fully understand at this point.
But I know this...A birthmothers love for her child looks like God's love for us.
And that is the most beautiful heartbeat I have ever heard.
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