Delusional Rantings of a Hopeful Adoptive Mom: The Profile Book Saga

Oh dear Lord! We have been through an orientation, a mountain of paperwork, a weekend class, and 3 homestudies. And I promise you the most taxing thing I have had to endure is the creation of our profile book.

What's a profile book, you ask? Short answer: the end of my sanity. Actual answer: It the book hopeful adoptive parents put together with pictures, and descriptions of their family life, and letters to the birth mom/family. No biggs, right? You couldn't be more wrong. This is the book birthmoms will look through to choose the family they will place their child with forever. This is the only way of introducing yourself to this woman who you hope will choose you.

Panic attack commence!

This started with me going through every digital picture we ever have ever. On my old Dell computer. Several times I considered throwing it straight out the window. But I can't because then I'll have nothing to put in our book.

As I desperately comb through what was easily thousands of photos to find the very essence of who we are, my panic attack turned into an identity crisis. Who are we? What do we want to say about ourself, our family?

Here are actual thoughts that went through my head while combing through photos to find just the right ones. I will tell you straight up before you read this list they sound completely crazy and irrational, albeit true thoughts I had. Pray y'all!

"Not everyone is smiling, they won't think we are happy."

"Not that picture that has the gereric trains in it. Where is the pics of him playing with the Thomas trains?"

"My hair looks too gray, she will think I am too old for a baby."

"Well Abbey and AJ look like they are having fun. Maybe I can crop Cole throwing a tantrum out of this one."

"That shirt has a stain on it. She will think I'm dirty." (BTW...this was a pic of the kids DYEING EASTER EGGS)

"Nope, mismatched jammies."

"Can't use pics of you completely in the ocean, she might think we are careless."

"Look at that mess in the background. I think its laundry. Discard."

"You look like you're rolling your eyes. Oh wait, you were. I thought it was funny. Maybe she won't appreciate sarcasm."

"I know this is supposed to look like you are brushing my hair back, but it actually looks like your about to hit me."

"That shirt I have on shows my fat roll. Next."

"We look entirely too white in this one. Where are the pics after we went to the beach?"

And these are just a few of thoughts that have went through my head in the last 18 days.

In all seriousness though, I have labored so tirelessly on this book, because this is it. For her. For our birthmom. And she deserves the very best we can give her, because that is what she is giving to us. Her best. And I couldn't be more grateful.

Good News: Part 2

So what changed following my stand to CHOOSE the joy of the Lord? Well, immediately...nothing. There wasn't magic fairy dust that fell on me, my hair on my arms didn't even stand up. But days of making the right choice, turned into weeks of making the right choice, turned into months of making the right choice. I quit crying, I unpacked my new house. I turned it into a home. I went to the park with my kids. I smiled. I laughed. I loved my husband more.

Nothing magical happened. But consistency in the good things began to overcome the dark things.

I got back into the Word like I know I am supposed to. Reading in Romans 10 I found this one morning: 13 For anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? and how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? 15 And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is what the scriptures mean when they say, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring the Good News!"

I gotta tell you I literally LOL'ed. And thought this: I am a complete idiot. This whole time, I've thought I just need a piece of good news. If I had some good news I could catch my breath and keep going. Uh, Hellooooo?? I've only been in church and ministry my whole life. I KNOW that Gospel means good news! I've had good news all along but apparently didn't think it was good enough. This is the ABSOLUTE best news. God loves me, he sent his son to die for me, I have eternal life. That's really all the good news I need.

So after I laughed at myself for a good 10 seconds, I did something I havent done it months which I am sure seems trivial but stick with me: I tweeted. I tweeted the words to a song my pastor wrote. and said this, It's a new day. I can feel it. Something beautiful is gonna happen.

Though I had been making great strides in my personal life to CHOOSE JOY I had not quite ventured back out to my social group yet. Did anyone notice I had taken a vacation from twitter and this was my declared moment back on the scene? No probably not. Did that matter? Absolutely not. My pity party was over and had been over for a couple months at this point. Twitter was just an outlet that morning for a declaration. Maybe for me to see, maybe for someone else to see. Either way I decided it was going to be a good day.

I prayed all the way to work that day with a new boldness. A release I hadn't had in a long time.

And I realized, I was truly happy, content. And it felt good.

Later that week, we were informed that someone wanted to donate $3500 to our adoption process. Wait, what?!!!! are you kidding me!!!??!! That amount would bring us current through the homestudy process. I was floored.

On that Monday, I was making a to do list, and on it was Call Agency to Schedule Homestudy. And you wanna know how sweet God is? The Agency called me! They didn't know we had the money in place. It was just God loving on me, saying, I see you, I hear you, I am taking care of you!

So here we are: 2 of the 4 homestudies are complete and we are moving right along.

I've never been more at peace with this adoption then I have been right now. All along I had a deep unspoken fear we would never reach the homestudy point. I have no fears. The Golf Outing is rescheduled for June 2 (more details to follow on that)

Supernatural good news turned into natural good news simply because God loves us! He cares about the details of our lives. And he is moving and orchestrating things to bring his will about it.

So you wanna know how long between my turning point and the homestudy news? A little more than 3 months. What if I had given up in 3 days and said, God I chose to let go the depression and now what? I wouldn't have seen this beautiful moment.

I encourage you if you are waiting for a little bit of Good News in your life, smile! It's inside the heart of every believer. Share the Good news with someone. Share it with yourself. Remind yourself of all the Good News his salvation gives you: abundant life, eternal salvation. He sees you, He hears you. Don't wait on a magic moment 30 seconds after a prayer and if it doesn't materialize give up.

Choose Life, His abundant Life, His Joy, His Peace, His Good News every single day and your miracle will happen.